Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
