from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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