Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
