just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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