Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
