I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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