i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
