That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
