You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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