remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
