I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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