apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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