I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just found puke in my bra..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
