And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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