I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
