Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
