my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
