Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
FUCK WHALES
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
