I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
