You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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