drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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