Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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