She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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