I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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