I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
