Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's blow job season.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
