someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
