Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
