Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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