She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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