I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
