I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
