It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
