I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
