do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Holy sore nipples Batman
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
