i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
