He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
