what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
