I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
