I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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