I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
