you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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