bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
