It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
