Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
