But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I look better un-naked...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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