She's JV to your varsity
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
