Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize