a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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