I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
