I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
