her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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