So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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